i? regret? haha

i don't regret anything. i mean why should i when now everything seems to be so frigging perfect. he's fixing me and i just let him get to me make and me fall even deeper in love with him :)

i thought i miss him. but guess i was wrong. im just so glad i realized it now. well i kind of let it all out to him on this one night because i can't keep it anymore. i need to clear it off of my chest. he was surprised bcuz to him i was kind of diff. no longer that oh so decent and super nice girl. haha. how? oh, im good at talking now. he tot i was seducing him, i mean that's sooo ridiculous. i have a boyfriend whom i love soo much. he was judging me that night and was being wow unbelievably truthful. haha. like who do you think you are eh?? it was stupid for you to think that way. just because i told you i was confuse, you push and pull me like im dumb enuf not knwoing what your intention was. just enuf of that. i was surprised too, it doesn't hurt now. so, don't think that i want you back because that's just plain wrong. so, there will be no 'what if' because i'm certain at all the decisions i've made. and thank you so much for helping me realize all that. i'm not starting anything, not even a fight though we seem to be going that way. i know how you're like now so yeah. hey, you're not that hebat pn. once i looked up to you and now, i was mistaken. easy say, you dont know how to have fun and how to treat a girl, that's why you easily get bored and annoyed. such a pity.

surprised :)

HEE you're the sweetest ever <3

you really truly make up my day, you surprised me, you got me, smiling the whole day.

HAHA. how can i not say im sooooooooooo deeply in love with you. huh baby? so dont ever try to doubt me or else, :P you gonna get a bunch from me. TOMBOY?? nahh im just being a bit of umm rebellious to u.

heyy!

hey


hahaha

y hahaha
how r u?

nthg
well
im having some complications
ahaha

about?

i just felt la HAHAHAHA-ing
something
how r u?

good
okay
living


hahaha
yeah
i can see that
im just nervous

nervous for?

next year spm kott
haha

lol
u must be joking

what??
hahaha

just chill la

hahaa

its not that huge as u think
its gonna go just fine

u think?

dont be so paranoid about it..then instead of doing reallly really well, u'll kantoi some subjects
just take it easy
and be confident
not over confident
just enough of it to go through spm

ohh whoaa
ok
thx alot
u noe btter
kantoi some subjects haha
well im not being paranoid i hope im not
just the pressure of it like a big burden
u told me bout it b4

haha
trust me its not that big..when u r already in form 5
then think about it
now just relax
and when ur studying
study properly
like revise everyday
make sure u start from early
little by little
then u'll not be afraid of spm at all
trust me
u'll be waiting, when will it come closer
coz u know, u'll do really well
when u already master everything, just finish the whole syllabus and do alot of exercises
like modern maths
r u afraid of modern maths exam?
i guess not right
i got like 98 for my trials
coz i know almost everything about modern maths
and how to do it
it comes with practise
of coz everyone is afraid of spm, but if ur prepared..y be afraid?
so, the solution is reaally simple..be prepared
from the start
u'll do just fine
trust me

guess im lack of exercises
yeah that's my prob
i forget things easily
mod pn
my last exam i got 80 for add becuz of stupid mistakes
and
sejarah
that's like alot

and yeah..focus..dont make silly mistakes
when u do alot of exercises..u'll know how to prevent those silly mistakes
u know what? the whole form 4 i failed my add maths
FAIL
i never failed before in my whole life

really??
i never noe bout it
u didnt tell

but everyone experiences failure in life, its normal

yeah

but in form 5
i started doing exercises
lots of it
every prep
instead of talking and sleeping
i do add maths
like 10 questions a day
and then from fail, i got A
its simple

simple yeah
i really need this kind of motivation

i'm talking to ur mom as well


ohh haha
ok

whr is she?

10 Q a day
at home

u all online fb..active users

haha
well yea
i was quite down
for add act

what u got?

and my agama physics as well
ohh
80 from 100

and ur down?
lol


shut up

ur funny
i told u
ur just paranoid

i guess so

just relax..and everything will be fine

im aiming A+

thats paranoid..being down just coz u got 80
its just form 4

physics is hard

and final exam

hahaha
shut up
lol

u have lots of things to learn before spm

i noe

there r camps and stuff

it's so competetive ok

which teaches u stuff
alot of stuff

yeah

u dont have to compete la..unless u really want to...just let them beat u...its ok..what matters is u do well in spm..

i just need that semangat back
okay
yeah i noe
im thinking that way
but my mom

and trust me..doing well in spm doesnt mean u do well in ur life or university
chill la
parents pressure is normal
u just have to ignore it to some certain extent

hahaha
yeahh
that's sooo true

just let it pass..dont really care about it..coz u wanna do well later
dont get under pressure
coz wanna talk to them is hard..to make them understand is hard..just agree with whatever they say,, but then do it ur way
if they ask, hows exam..say its good
dont let them pressure u more

u noe how am i like so dont laugh
hahahaha
that's a nice one

i'm not teaching u how to lie, but how to survive

hahaha
i noe
well maybe im just too bendul
--'

haha

so i told them every details

then try be a lil bit smarter
ur already smart
be sharp
be alert
think of the consequences
before u say something

hahaha
ok

seriously

thanks alot

hey i gtg..we'll talk some other time k

ok

tc

u too

and hows ur bf btw?

hahaha
dont ask

y?

errr

ok

idk

we'll talk later k
tell me about it

alrite
btw

bye

im goin bak on the frst

tc

bye

2:41pm
oh
me on the 2nd
bye
ttyl

haha
ok

alive

so now what
it has been sooo long since we last met
since the last complication
and now i've been very busy with school
not to mention but
life as a form 4 is like a roller-coaster ride
LOL :))
we led our own life
and i cant believe he replaces me already.
i mean how easy for him to do that and it's not fair.
maybe that has been the problem he was facing when he wanted to
ignore me but cant he just do that earlier before things got deeper.
i hate him so much
just because i wanna put him aside
cuz i got this shitting problem that i don't knnow why i can't forget him still
it's hard to replace someone that you love so much
he ownself said that to me
when he wanted to apologize
oh yeah he said he was sorry
for being such a fool
he is so FOOLISh, DUMB and all that.
he said he was ashamed for doing wrong.
for ignoring me and to let it hanging.
yup when i think about it agian
i dont know why is it so heartfelt.
maybe cuz im feeling lonely the lonliness
really bit me and shattered moi.
i know some guys.flirt with them. but it doesnt work
obviously. WHY?
mls nk type.
leave it. till now i haven't found a guy like him
until now he's the only guy that is so sweet honest dear
and i dont know.
and there's no one like him.yet
well sooner or later. alright let's leaver it ok aqish.
dont waste your time moaning about him.
that is so stupid.
go on with your life.have fun.study.
get to know some guys.
im not saying that i want to be wild.
never.
but girs just wanna have fun.
anyway
i dont know why again a pakistani
aprroached moi.
i layan him laa.he's way better looking than him.
but
come on he is so far away.
whatever. let's see how far it goes.haha
alright. bio is waiting for moi. and so byebye.

decided

i've decided
oh before that.. ehem(clear throat)
i'm sooo delighted and grateful to get straight A"s in my pmr
my prayer was answered. :)

ok then..
as my story proceeds with all the itsy bitsy love thing..
i think bout it a lot of times..
it took all the week i didn't get the chance to meet him..
and soo i came up with i think a regretful yet rational step.. that
i let him go..
let it go..it might hurt some..but
i noe i can heal thru time..
it's tough thing to do..
cuz when first he like me..i felt uneasy and tried to avoid him
then thru time..i started to love him..
but then i have to let it go..i don't know why..

tomorrow

big day tomorrow yawww!!
oh my god like so soon??
i can't believe it..cuz i think that the pmr just over
n like a blink of time..poof...
the result has been confirmed and posted
and tomorrow will be day
immma call the school
and..and..
ask for my result
like
YA ALLAH ENGKAU BERIKANLAH KU 8A.AMIN
it's all i've always wanted for the 3 years i'd struggled n i dont want em to go wasted
so y'all get my point
im just feeling terribly chilled n thrilled and oh cant' be describe
see im not the innocent decentgood girl
but im not bad..just..just..oh.
i my ownself know what the just is..so let it be in me
so it's freakingly scary and ntah laa
like that laa
only the ones who experienced this will trully understand the condition im going thru
:((


and rite now beside my parent;family
i need him
i need my baby badly..i need my syednaqashhaidershah
now if possible
cuz i just had a bad midnite..
not a nitemare but just..depressing midnite
i wanted to call him but i have got no credit
to even text him
i just kinda..feeling rebellious..and unappreciated..
and sad..and torn..to what had just happened..it was completely not fair that i just can't stood up for myself to tell em what i really felt//like being treated thta way..with cursing and oh. heart breaking..
emotionally i creid..but of course no one knows..i was crying..
cuz
i'm not a child now.i can take care of myself. musn't let them down now. musn't let them see me cry. im fine.im fine..

i undertand all the sacrifices and so many else but can't they just
understand me..how i feel noo what i feel
i dont know i feel like shouting out so instead i cry.n cry.in my room
accompany only by the darkness and the sound of my sobbing
oh so dramatic..but oh.how torn i felt..and how more n more i felt of running to him
my darling baby :((
but..
deep im not sure ..if we're still are..
i mean i love him..but does he??
haih ntahlaaa..
i tried alot of ways..but nothing is returning
and for that the cut is getting deeper and deeper
and the strength to hold on is getting shallow each time..i think bout not gonna be with pon later on
our relationship hvae no future at all :((
so i keep on holding on..to something that can destroy me for sure even if it's trusted..?
:((
ntah laa.wtv it is..i just want to get 8 A's :)

confusion

i keep thinking..
what should i do when i come to this situation
should i let it go..or
let myself drown in the pain
or..
keep on walking to the destination i never know
i never know..
yeah nobody ever know what is suppose to be at the future..

'boy i relly wanna try to work this out cause i'm tired of fighting..'

that is how i feel now.
practically..
before my school start again
haish..

i'm tired of fighting to work this thing out
he keep giving excuses..
but that are the true reasons
i understand him for that. i know why it's hard for him to handle this
i just know all that so i keep giving in but..
at the same time i don't feel what he's trying to do
well he is not even trying to do anything
i think no..that's why he said he don't promise commitment
he even break up with me because he tot i can't wait
he didn't want to waste my time and hurt me more well that's what he'd said to me.i understand what he's trying to do..
so in this case if im hurting it will be my fault cuz he already said it.
n i refused it.
i said it.i'll wait.
so my bad.
now.it's just so hard to undo the complicated knot.
so i think of shutting up
and let things flow on 'em own
i don't know why im sooo desperate for all these..ugghh
aqish please stop these nonsense
you just can't let these things alone.that's ur prob.
but if i don't nothing is gonna be clear.it'll be just hanging
seriously i just got a lot to ask n tell
haih.he keep on put everything at a hang
whatever laa.
aqish you can't force everything to be in the way you wanted.
you can't.wake up for that.
your life........
long way to go.got lots of way to entertain yourself..
but this ain't entertainment
this is a need.no a desire no i don't know.it's just that
it's what you want when u fell in love.that's it
but aqish just sacrifice your feelings for him..
just let it go laa
let it be.no use. the pieces of puzzle you're trying to solve.
can't be done cuz there are pieces of 'em are with him..
sooo let it be undone..